TRIGGER WARNING: This post discusses pregnancy, birth, and motherhood. If you are struggling through the process of trying to conceive, know that my love and support is with you every step of the way.
My mother told me the story of my birth many times. I loved listening to her tell me about the day I, as her first born, changed her identity. Before she passed, she took the time to record it for me while she was still able, and I am eternally grateful to her for doing that for me. Being able to hear her voice all these years later makes the hard days just a tiny bit easier.
As part of our story, she told me how she left her body and went to another world while she was in the throes of labour. While I loved listening to her tell me this, I never understood how someone could simultaneously be in two places at the same time until I gave birth to my own child.
A Witchy Pregnancy?
Let’s rewind to March 2014, before reconnecting with my inner witch, and when my husband and I had been married about a year and a half. One unremarkable day he was having a lengthy conversation with a friend who had recently moved 5 hours away. After hanging up, he came and told me his friend’s wife was expecting their first child. Rather than being happy for them, my reaction was one of pure jealousy (not one of my finer moments). We had a plan to start trying to conceive that fall, but I was furious and yelled “and why am I still not pregnant?!” at my very confused husband. After a lengthy conversation, he agreed to move up our timeline. By the fall of that year, exactly when we had originally set our intentions to start building our family, I was pregnant.
I still remember the day I took the test that told me our son was coming. I really didn’t need a test, I already knew in my bones that I was pregnant, but my husband insisted. It was the longest 3 minutes of my life. I remember telling my husband that we had a son coming. He asked how I knew, and I told him that I just did. Another 14 weeks later, the ultrasound tech confirmed what I had known all along. For every name my husband suggested, I told him that wasn’t our son’s name. As we revisited some names that we had originally discussed early on, a little voice inside me said “that’s my name” – and the discussion was over (for privacy reasons, I do not share our son’s name online. In this series, he will be referred to as our Little Leo, his astrological sign).
I will keep the full story of our Little Leo’s birth for him and I, but what I will tell you is that just like my mother, I too left my body and went somewhere absolutely beautiful and supremely peaceful while I was in labour. In that place, my mother was watching me and cheering me on. Just like her, as my son came into this world, my identity changed and I became two people – the woman I had always been, and the mother to a perfect baby boy.
Photo: Danielle Kilgore
Raising a Little Witchling
My husband walks his own spiritual path, which is different than mine. On some things we wholeheartedly agree, and on others we simply agree to disagree. One area in which we have always agreed, though, is exposing our son to both of our practices, supporting him as he learns about practices different than our own, and letting him decide what is right for him.
My son knows that mommy grows herbs, has crystals, uses tarot cards, and does spell work. He helps me take care of the garden and collect herbs for whatever rituals I’m planning. He likes to pick a tarot card, or two, when he sees me using them. He thinks it’s hilarious to knock on the deck and decide which card is right for today. I am teaching him to feel the energy of the cards the same way my mother taught me. A few weeks ago, I came home from work to find my husband and our Little Leo in the backyard, and our little boy proudly announced, “mommy I did a spell!” He had even left his “lucky coin” as an offering. My heart exploded with witchÿ pride.
Incantations for my Little Leo
Shortly after re-embracing my witch identity, I wrote my first incantation with the intention of helping my Little Leo feel safe at night. I’ll admit, it was rough around the edges at first, but evolved over time until it felt more authentic. Similar to how Christian parents might pray over their child, as he falls asleep, I repeat this incantation each night. Calling on the mother goddesses, I ask them to watch over him through the night and keep him safe until morning’s light breaks.
Not long after I started speaking his bedtime incantation, our little boy wound up with a scraped knee. As I put a band-aid on it and kissed it better, he asked me to say a spell to make it heal faster. I was a bit caught off guard, but set to work writing what he now adorably calls his “ouchie spell.”
Healing powers and energy
I summon thee, come here to me.
I grew this child in my womb,
Hasten now and heal his wound.
Keep him safe from harm and foul,
So mote it be, this is my will.
Just like any other boo-boo, seal your intentions with a hug and a kiss.
Happy Birthday, Little Bear
By the time you read this, our Little Leo, who I have always affectionately called my Little Bear, will have turned five. It truly feels like these years have gone by in a blur. He is curious, sweet, generous, vivacious, and a top-notch negotiator.
So Happy Birthday to the little man who changed my identity forever. May you always stay curious, may you always know love, and may you always walk tall through life. I love you more than you’ll ever know.
About the Author: Amy is a newly re-awakened witch living in South-Western Ontario. As a Scorpio sun, Pisces moon, and Scorpio rising, she can be found reading and recharging in the bath when she’s not chasing after her almost-five-year-old Leo son she is raising with her Sagittarius husband. Professionally, as a Human Resources Business Partner, Amy brings her magic into the office by guiding the rest of the team to build self-awareness, compassion, and empathy with the goal of creating a more harmonious and enchanted workplace. You can find her on Instagram at @thewakenedwitch, where she shares her journey into owning the identity of Witch.